Expert Psychologist Tohumcu explained the secrets of a healthy relationship

“Relationships” are one of the topics that people have been focusing their attention on lately, and many people are giving advice about this. Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu, who explained the secrets of a healthy relationship, said that it is of great importance for a person to be able to look at his own emotions, control them and gain the ability to express them in a healthy way.

Those who find the love they are looking for wonder what they can do to continue their happy relationships. Awareness is important for a happy relationship. In order to keep love alive, it is necessary to know the essential rules of the relationship. Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu explained the secrets of a healthy relationship.

Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu said that there are many new concepts that have emerged and become very popular in order to express the problems experienced in relationships, and stated that concepts such as toxic relationship, ghosting, gaslighting… have become very common today.

“How many of the people who give advice on relationships are experts in this field?”

Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu stated that it is debatable how many of the people who give advice on relationships are experts on this subject and said, “Do they share evidence-based data or do they express their own personal opinions? The way for people to solve the problems in their relationships and have healthier and more effective relationships is through non-experts.” Rather than giving advice that includes personal opinions, it is actually about gaining the ability to look at one’s own emotions, control them, and express them in a healthy way. This is only possible by recognizing one’s own internal dynamics, for example, when one is upset, one should be able to express one’s disappointment to the other party in a healthy way. and should keep his/her anger under control and move to a healthy and safe distance for a while. However, in some cases, people may not be able to express it when they are upset, on the contrary, they may forgive quickly or express their disappointment to the other party in a very violent way… In such scenarios, the relationship between It is inevitable that the “Input – Output” balance will be disrupted… It is right to control these in order for relationships to function in a healthy way. “Apart from this, all other ‘direct’ advice that can be given cannot go beyond trying to turn the person into someone he is not, and after a while, they may become useless and even harm the person.”

“The concept of those who run away and are chased is dysfunctional in healthy relationships”

Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu, who gives advice on ways to establish a healthy relationship, says, “He who runs away will be chased… Although this is often recommended as a way to get attention in relationships, it is an extremely dysfunctional method for healthy relationships. If you do this in a healthy relationship, you will most likely be rejected by your partner.” It will be perceived as inconsistent and you will cause him/her to be confused. In addition, it poses a risk of serious damage to the relationship in the long term. However, there are healthier and more functional methods of getting attention… In other words, adopting a “don’t call, let him call you” approach is actually popular. Now, he definitely thinks like this, he will do it or he actually meant it… We can describe this kind of thinking style as “mind reading”. However, when you do this, you often reflect your own perspective on the event, not the other person’s thoughts. You should always ask your partner about their thoughts and feelings instead of mind reading. “Making the relationship transparent and understandable is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship,” he said.

“Ignore him when he upsets you”

Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu, who gave advice by saying ‘Ignore him when he upsets you’, stated that doing this will prevent a rift with your partner at that time.

Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu pointed out that words such as maybe, yes, but are among the issues that harm both the person himself and the relationship in the medium and long term, because his partner will not be aware of how upset he is.

Expert Psychologist Utku Tohumcu said that every problem that is swept under the rug and ignored has the potential to emerge as a bigger problem and added: “Believing that one is indispensable is another fundamental problem of contemporary relationships… One of the polished and polished concepts of our age is “egocentrism”, that is, “me.” “I am the most valuable, I am the one and only.” In fact, this is true and should be true. Each person should be unique and able to love and value himself/herself within healthy limits. However, as I mentioned at the beginning of the article, relationships do not work this way. “It is built on the balance of ‘Input – Output’. Every relationship in which the balance of giving and receiving is disrupted sooner or later begins to crack and eventually breaks,” he said.

Specialist Psychologist Utku Tohumcu, who points out that a person should first be able to recognize his feelings and needs, said, “Avoiding mind reading and basing the relationship on open communication; finally, paying attention to the input-output balance in the relationship and being sensitive about the needs of his partner is the key to starting and maintaining a relationship in a healthy way.” “They are indispensable for being able to do these things in a healthy way when necessary. People should not hesitate to seek professional support because it is always possible to feel more peaceful and balanced,” he said.

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